At first, it was just an annoyance. I was out for a morning walk, I think at 7 AM, just in my neighborhood. It's a normal residential neighborhood; kind of old, and not a lot of kids around, so there's VERY little activity. And I'm coming up the right side of the street (which is the side you're SUPPOSED to be on, by the way; some people apparently don't understand that!!!!) anyway I was coming up the correct side of the street when I see this guy coming down the other side. He looked like he was about my age, but I didn't really get a good look at him. For some reason, he's walking backwards and talking to himself. I think about turning around, but I decide not to. Since he was going backwards, he didn't see me until I was past him, at which point he takes off running and SHOUTING at me. And of course, I started running, too. I'm glad I was faster than him.
I can't remember what he was saying, but it was some nonsense about how the hour of the moon has past, and the hour of the sun is at hand, and how cities will burn. When he realized he couldn't keep up with me, he gave me one last warning: "Jesus's twin is the mega-Christ!! Accept him before it's toooooo laaaaaaaaaate!"
I just wanted to get home unmolested after this, but on the home stretch, within sight of my house, I see a girl about 14 years old coming straight towards me on the sidewalk. She's pale and frail and looks like she hasn't slept in days, and she's muttering, and her eyes are terrifying; and they're fixed on me. I try to cross the street around her, even though I know it's hopeless, and she crosses with me. Then I start running to try to get around her, but I realize that even if I push her down to get past her... She'll see me walk into my house. I'm too tired from running to create a diversion; and besides, I'd probably come across the first guy again. So I just give up and walk in the other direction (away from my house) and let her walk next to me and talk. And she says,
"He's right, you know. Not long before SOPA* turns the Earth inside-out. The ancient pact between Jehovah and Buddha is imminent." Then I stop, and she just keeps walking ahead of me.
*Don't even ask!
You'd think I'd be relieved to be rid of her. But I'm not. Because I get to thinking: What if there really was a pact between Jehovah and Buddha? And what about Jesus's twin brother? They never talk about him in the Bible, but Jesus had a twin, wasn't he ALSO the Christ? Since we haven't even heard of him, couldn't that mean that he was simply too important to let the Illuminati know about him--thus, in effect, making him a mega-Christ? Just like the guy said! Also, what was Jesus's brother's name? I bet it was James. I hope that was it, because that's MY name. Maybe I'M the mega-Christ!
Now that may sound crazy, but hear me out, I've got evidence: A few months ago, I was driving down Front Street, and I got caught at a red light. I was like "DAMMIT, I almost made that light". Then I started tapping my steering wheel impatiently. Then I started hiccuping a little. (None of that is important, really, I'm just trying to set the scene.) Then this old fat woman and a small child (like 5 years old) crossed the street on the crosswalk in front of me and WAVED AT ME. And I'd never see them before in my life!!!
I was in some neighborhood... I don't think it was mine, I was sort of just wandering... But I was telling this guy on a bike about all of this earlier today, and he totally didn't believe me! He did give me a piece of candy, though (I asked him if he had anything to eat). Nice guy!
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