PHIL COLLINS

Pictured: English singer Phil Collins, performing his rendition of "In The Air Tonight". Collins was born in the apparently nonfictional town of Chiswick, England. After a failed career as an actor, he decided to victimize - I mean, turn his attention towards music. Collins is most famous for joining the rock band Genesis soon after they released their only successful album, "From Genesis To Revelations". He then proceeded to drive his bandmates crazy with his unconventional "drumming", which ruined almost every song. For obvious reasons, the band would release several songs during this era which the other members, in an attempt to preserve Collins' feelings, claimed "didn't need" drumming (see: "Horizons" or "Silent Sorrow In Empty Boats" - two of their only good songs.)  After only five albums, Collins led a mutiny; lead singer Peter Gabriel was forced to leave the band. Phil Collins took the role of lead singer. The crucial role of drummer was never filled, even though such well-known musicians as David Bowie and Todd Rundgren auditioned for the position (both were turned down). In the '80's, Genesis gained international recognition for their loud, excruciating pop "ballads". Although largely rejected by the U.S., which wanted nothing to do with the face pictured above, the band was an international sensation, especially in parts of the world where Phil Collins would not be considered hideous. At the same time, Collins pursued a solo career, releasing such irrepressibly terrible albums as "No Jacket Required". It is generally agreed among critics that Collins' entire career was a failure. Among his few successes are the film "American Psycho", in which Collins (and the decade he thrived in) are ruthlessly mocked; and an episode of South Park in which an uncharacteristically lively version of Phil attempts to stop a child sensation from reaching rock stardom. Today, Phil Collins is retired, much to the delight of people who actually enjoy music.