MAYOR

It's nice to have some followers for my blog. It's safe to say that they're probably all idiots, but it's nice to have them nonetheless. And I'm not just talking about having them around to stroke my ego and make me feel better about myself. I've got plans; BIG plans.

You'd think I'm talking about taking over the world or something, but I've pretty much determined that that's impossible. It's tempting now that I have followers, of course; but no, I've got a more realistic goal. I'm going to run for mayor!!!

All I would have to do is get half of the population to follow my blog. That way, I wouldn't have to spend one red cent on my campaign. I'd just keep my followers updated on the race (by posting), and I'd remind them to go vote on November 1st every year.

Once I'm mayor, unless I'm at a ribbon-cutting ceremony, I'll just sit back and chill all day--read, listen to music, invite friends to the capitol building; man, I'd just take it easy. Isn't that what being mayor should be all about? The mayors who don't do that are the ones who overstep their bounds. They get in the way, and try to spend people's taxes on pointless stuff. The only thing I'd spend taxes on is for throwing parties for whoever wanted to show up. I couldn't get sued for misappropriation of funds because it's a public service. And even if it is illegal, whatever, I'm not afraid of the electric chair! You have to have courage--real life-and-death courage--to run a city.

Haw schucks, look at me, already talking all political-like! As you can see, I really want this job... God, how I need this job... So tired of getting checks from the government... And I just know it would help with my sleep paralysis!