MESSAGES

I love getting emails in the mail. There's nothing like a good correspondence. I have many an internet pen pal, and I revel in the crazy things they say! Let's take a look at messages from some of my old pals. (Note: I cannot guarantee the authenticity of these messages.)

I hid the names so that you can't Google them. If some one did that to me, I'd be pretty TO'd (ticked off) because I like to snoop; but I don't know, it seemed like the thing to do.

Now let's get to those messages!

I am gonna kill myself
posted on December, 3:16 PM

Whoa, TMI (too much information)!

What a bad start to this whole messages experience! Hopefully we can move on to something more positive.

WHAT'S UP, GANGSTA
posted on December, 10:27 PM

Wow! This post makes me uncomfortable as well! I object to being called a "GANGSTA"! A gangsta is somebody who breaks into my house and steals my icebox. Furthermore, there's no need to use capital letters. I use them myself sometimes, for emphasis, but in this situation (a friendly greeting), they are entirely inappropriate.

The person who sent this message needs to grow up. Let's hope that my next few correspondents have a little more sense than this.

hey
posted on January, 10:31 AM

Hey to you as well! Based on this message, this person seems like a very nice and very interesting person. I'd really like to keep in touch. Friendly interactions like this are what the internet is all about.

dude. I read your blog. and I liked it.. seriously. I read everything. I like your supermovie idea. I think it should be 3D! but i am sure you have already thought of this... I'll put a link to your grreat blog of nothingness if you link to my blog of nothingness!
posted on February, 7:59 PM

Just because I rarely posted on it, that doesn't make my old blog a "blog of nothingness". I had some really good ideas in that blog. If this person had really liked it, they would have been able to see that.

The reason I started this new blog is that I just really kind of needed just a little distance from that blog. It got a little out of control; it became something that no longer represented who I was: the way I feel, the way I think, and the way I see myself as a person. By this, I mean that the colors weren't crazy enough, and the jokes weren't that funny.

Also, your blog was not very good. If you ever somehow come across this blog post, you can thank me for deleting the link to your blog from your message, so that people can't visit it to make fun of you. (Also, though, why did you want me to read a blog that you haven't posted on in years?)

I seriously hate Phil Collins more than anyone. I would celebrate his death. ...probably. He is gross. http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00791/phil-collins-460_791794c.jpg
posted on May, 1:22 AM

Now that's what I call an angry disposition! I rather like Phil Collins, and NOT just to be ironic. His drumming in Genesis is superb, and when he took over that band, he turned them into one of the most popular groups in the world. Phil Collins is a fine man, and the picture you have sent me only proves my point.

I am NOT joking, I really really really really really like Phil Collins. I still consider you my friend though, whoever you are... Crazy person...

Do you by chance know any good bipolar jokes?
posted on June, 4:53 PM

Bummer, I don't! I'm not much of a jokemaker, and I know very little about bipolar disorder, but I can give it a go. (I put exclamation points at the end of all the jokes because I feel like exclamation points give the jokes a funnier tone, and that makes the person reading it more likely to laugh. I would recommend all of you to use the same technique when writing jokes.)
Q: Why did the bipolar chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the seeds on the other side and eat as many of them as possible!

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
I am!
I am who?
I am going to knock down your door and attack you, because I am bipolar!

Q: How many bipolars does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Preferrably one, bipolar people don't get along too well with each other!

Q: What did the manic-depressive boat say to the bipolar fish?
A: I am gonna kill myself

Okay, we only have time for a couple more messages. Let's get crackin'!

why did you not accept my friend request
posted on July, 6:59 AM

The main reason for that is probably the single fact that I do not know you, have never spoken to you before, and have no interest in making your acquaintance. Furthermore, you have sent me not only repeated friend requests, but repeated messages berating me for not accepting them.

YOU declined my friend request
posted on November, 11:04 AM

Such impolite messages only further decrease the chances of us ever becoming friends. (Which, it seems necessary to say, we currently are not.)

sorry i missed you in the chat-room. i had to go show my mom somethingo in the other room-long story. i am on there again,or we can just meet up tomororw
posted on December, 3:41 AM

I quite honestly have no idea what your message is in reference to. But at least you're not sending me friend requests and then bugging me for declining them. That guy makes everyone else who has ever sent me a message look like my best friend, in comparison.

Well, that's all for now! I feel like I've made a lot of progress, although in what direction, I can't be sure. I have no idea as to the purpose of this entire exercise. It doesn't fit in with the rest of my blog, it doesn't make any sense, and it is far too vague and long. Nevertheless, I feel like I've accomplished something. God knows what.