ART

The key to making great art is to just pick up a paintbrush and start painting. It has nothing to do with opening up the unused passages of the brain. Do you think Jackson Pollock opened up the unused passages of his brain? No sir he didn't! He just picked up cans of paint and started throwing them. Picasso just painted shapes that went into bigger shapes that looked sort of like things... Rembrandt and the great old masters just copied whatever they saw. Because that's what art is all about: Whatever.

The same goes for writing. You just pick up that pen and write some words. Plot? Don't worry about it. That's all up to your editor. Character development? SO overrated! I haven't changed one bit in 9 years! If they wrote a book about me, I bet people would be complaining their asses off about the lack of character development. Well folks, if your character develops, then that's fine, but my character is fine right where it is.

My philosophy on art is inspired by my lack of creative abilities. I've never been able to make great art. That's not because I'm not a genius. I'm one of the greatest geniuses to ever live. My problem is that I don't apply myself. I don't feel like picking up a pen or a paintbrush. If I did, I would blow you all away. I'm convinced that all the great painters and writers were actually just complete fools. But they were hard workers, and for every fifty lousy things they did, they did one good one. You only hear about the ninety-or-so great books that Stephen King came out with; but what you DON'T hear about (and what almost surely exists) is the nine thousand entire books he wrote that weren't even worth reading the first sentence of!

Here's an example of some of my art, which was created in those rare instances that I decided to pick up a paintbrush:

(If you want to purchase any of these works, print it out on your printer on a 5-foot by 3-foot piece of canvas, then send me 10 dollars in the mail.)