TOOTHPASTE

Q: IS TOOTHPASTE BAD FOR YOU?

A: It can be. Most tubes of toothpaste contain a substance called "titanium dioxide", which is basically poisonous shards of metal. The American Cancer Society recommends never to use the following brands of toothpaste under any circumstances: Aquafresh, Colgate, Crest, and Sensodyne. That's my friend who works for the American Cancer Society told me, off the record. Well, actually, he got fired from there several years ago, for pretending to be an employee. The way he tells it, he got screwed!

Q: GEEZ, SO WHAT KIND OF TOOTHPASTE WOULD YOU RECOMMEND?

A: It's generally agreed that the only safe route is the homemade, organic one. Here is a good blog instructing you on how to make your own toothpaste. Of course, there is no active ingredient, so don't expect it to clean your teeth. If you use this type of organic toothpaste, it's generally agreed that you should also eat only organic, sugar-free foods. Also try to avoid eating anything containg baking soda, salt, peppermint, or vegetables - as it's generally agreed that you get your daily dose of these products from the toothpaste.

Q: HOW MANY TIMES A DAY IS IT GENERALLY AGREED THAT I SHOULD BRUSH MY TEETH?

A: It's generally agreed that you should brush your teeth BEFORE each meal. Don't be so surprised! The latest research shows that the mouth is full of bacteria. If you ingest food without brushing your teeth beforehand, you risk ingesting this bacteria into your stomach. Make sure to brush before any ingestion occurs, to fight those pesky viruses!

Q: HI JAMES, I'M REALLY A BIG FAN OF YOUR  BLOG. AND I'M JUST WONDERING: DO YOU NEED TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH IF YOU HAVE FALSE TEETH?

A: Hi! Thanks for the well wishes! No, you do NOT have to brush your teeth if you have false teeth - UNLESS you also have some real teeth left. Or if you only have the false teeth because you're using them for some kind of prank. Then make sure to brush whatever REAL teeth you have. As for cleaning your FALSE teeth, simply make sure that you store your them in a cup of hydrochloric acid every night. That should do the trick!