Here's a picture of four geoducks for starters:
Note that they're on sale for 21.99. Kind of a rip-off, right? NOT SO FAST! Geoducks are found on the Pacific Coast, specifically in British Columbia, Canada. In Canadian money, that's a good goddamn deal.
However, I'm not sure what you're supposed to DO with a geoduck. My first instinct was to tie a string to the tapering section of my geoduck and fly it like a kite. Couldn't get it up in the air. Besides, a kite wouldn't be that expensive.
My second guess was that it was one of those flying sock toys, and you fling it as far as you can and your friend tries to catch it. This didn't work out too well either: It was too slippery to throw, and once we finally figured out to use a grappling hook to grip it while throwing it, it was found to be so difficult to catch (due to slipperiness) that we had to use a pike to stab it with; and we decided that just wasn't that fun of a game, especially because of all of the noises it made when we hooked and piked it. It was clearly in pain. Besides, it was too expensive to be used for that, too.
So the third idea we had was TO EAT IT! And it was absolutely delicious! But, again, too expensive for that to be a realistic possibility.
Me and Rick STILL don't know what it's for. If anyone has any tips, let us know. If you want, you can use this website to try to find out.
Despite the lack of this information, I do have a tip on how the geoduck-farming process works. Canadians like to dig large cylindrical holes in the ground. These were traditionally used for draft-dodging by American hippies, until they began finding strange, squishy, alive-ish things in the bottom of their holes. The rest, as they say, is history: The hippies were starving, so they ate them; they were bored, so they threw them; and they were hippies, so they made them into kites. However, they still could not find the purpose of these mystical creatures. After the big war, they went back to the U.S. with a motor-home full of geoducks, to bring to smart U.S. scientists to figure out what to do with them. After many studies, it was determined what geoducks are for; however, it's still a military secret.
I got my geoduck by digging a hole in my backyard. It's easy! You can do it too! Just dig a cylindrical (or globular) 3-foot-deep hole in your yard, and wait for those geoducks to come slitherin' through! (Warning: Don't mistake them for worms; which, although slimy and good for throwing, are much smaller and unhealthier than geoducks.)
The etymology of the word "geoducks" is simple: They come from the "geo"-terrain, aka the ground. They look exactly like ducks. Thus, geoducks!
And that's about all I remember from Geoducks 101. (Maybe that's why I failed the class! Ha ha ha.) Don't bother doing any image searches for geoducks, because I can supply you with all the images of geoducks you'll ever need:
No comments:
Post a Comment