LEFT TURNS

Stoplights work different ways in different cities. I won't tell you which city I live in, because you don't need to know that much about me--but where I live, the left turn lights typically turn green before the "straight" lights next to and opposite them. When you're turning left, it's kind of like, "Sweet, I get to go first!" But on the other hand, when you're going straight, it's like, "Aw, what the hell, why does that guy get to go first?!"

I have a proposal to make. I don't believe that people turning left should EVER get to go first. It makes no sense. People who are going straight are clearly more important. Not only that, but they're smarter. They're better drivers and they're probably better people.

Here's an example of why: Suppose you're a NASCAR driver. The track goes around and around in circles, and you only have one way to go: straight ahead. You can't take turns and shortcuts and what not. But what if somebody took a 90 degree angle left turn in NASCAR? One of two things would happen. Either they would crash right away, thus proving that they are a complete idiot--and possibly hurting those people who camp out in their trailers in the middle oval section, and that's just not cool. The other thing that might happen is that they somehow find a path through there, and they cut ahead of the other drivers. That's cheating, and that's not cool either, not in my book.

Here's another example. Suppose your destination is straight ahead. Now, which makes more sense: going straight, or turning left? If you turn left, you'll have to eventually make a right turn, then another right turn, then ANOTHER left turn in order to get back on track! It's like, you already DID a left turn, and then you have to do ANOTHER one?! That's bogus.

Another thing to consider is that if you go straight four times, you'll end up way down the road. For example, if you start at Chili's, and you just keep going straight, you'll end up at home. But if you go LEFT four times, you'll end up RIGHT BACK WHERE YOU STARTED! AT CHILI'S! HELLO, You were there 10 minutes ago, you don't need more delicious Chili's food! You probably already have a to-go box full of margarita grilled chicken!

I can't even imagine why we have left turn signals at all. It's complete lunacy! I have many other arguments over why people who are going straight are better; however, the preceding arguments are so convincing, I don't even feel the need to present the others. I mean come on, it's freakin' obvious.

I propose a boycott. If we quit using left turns, the people who make them will start losing money. So will the city government and the highway commissions. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people making money!!!!!!